Bravado, like innocence
Bleeds into the blue sunlight
Winking like a harlot
Calling like a siren
The time of posing
Assuming a will of iron
A Lance-like determination
Is exposed for what it is
The intruder is sentient
With its own brilliant design
Co-opting gene, cell and marrow
To its truly iron will
The host has been awakened
The interloper revealed
In lumps, scans, and slides
For the quiet, genius of its plan
It speaks to me now
In even, measured tones
Of mutually assured destruction
Of its own inevitable death
As my counterattack forms its lines
Each cut goes deeper than the last
Biopsy, marrow sample, mediport
Pain a direct line of communication
There is no victimless war
No surgical bombing campaign
The casualties will surely mount
And all my treasures will be at risk
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1 comment:
As I face a debilitating illness, I have had some of these same thoughts. Not so eloquently expressed, though.
What I have been trying to do is stop picturing the process as a war. I felt so drained by the idea of "fighting" all the time. I'm not sure it's possible. After all, for me to regain health, those organisms must die, right? But I've been trying. What it lead me to was an inner dialog where I am trying to have a negotiation with the offending critters in my body. It's an ongoing meditation of coming to peace. I don't know if it actually makes the disease retreat, but I do feel a relief from the battle fatigue. Sometimes, though, I worry that not being willing to "fight" is not really being at peace so much as giving up. I did feel defeated for a while, but not so much now. It's all a process....
All of this is to say that I can relate. ("brilliant design" is an exact phrase I've used to express my almost admiration for qualities of the organism that has invaded me.) I wish I had such a lovely way of articulating it. I look forward to reading more of what you write and will you have you in my thoughts and meditations as you move through your process.
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